How to Stay Married and Stop a Divorce

August 25, 2009 · Filed Under Breaking Up · Comment 

When you need to figure out how to stop a divorce, things are bad.

If you’re like most people, you’ve tried everything you can think of to keep your marriage from falling apart, but so far nothing’s worked.  Chances are, what you’ve tried has probably pushed your spouse further away from you.

Here’s What You’ve Probably Done to Try and Stop a Divorce and Save Your Marriage

1)  You’ve Reassured Your Spouse -

Have you been telling your partner you’ll change?  Telling them if they stay with you, things will be better?  Will be different?  You’ve probably ended up pleading and begging with with your spouse not to leave you.
2)  You’ve Got Desperate -

You’ve thought that the way to stop a divorce was to tell your spouse how much “you love them!”  You want your spouse to understand that you love them and no one will ever love them as much as you do.  Truth is that’s only going to make them pull further away!

3)  You’ve Tried Talking and Opening Up -

Well really this isn’t a bad thing itself.  In fact it’s one of the keys to stopping a divorce, but unless you know what you should be talking about to make things right again, then you’re just spinning your wheels going round and round in circles.

For that reason, the intentions with #3 are correct, but you have to know the right questions to ask and you have to know how to structure an effective conversation with your spouse.

So What Works When You Want to Stop a Divorce -

  • You need to take a step back and you both need some distance and some alone time.  Trying to repair when the air is still hot with anger, rage and the breakup is still freshh, only means more problems.
  • Take time to think about when you first met and were happy, what’s the difference between then and now?  The key to repairing your marriage is within that detail.
  • Think long and hard about what you want!  Is this the relationship that you really want or would it be better for you to move on?  Don’t hang on in there just because it’s familiar and you’re scared of leaving the old behind.
  • Think seriously about getting some real third party help for the two of you to find a way back together.

Ask the people that have stayed married for years and decades and are happy together what their secret is and they’ll tell you that things have not been easy for them, but they have always found a way to stay focus on the things that matter to them as a couple.

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Define the Relationship to Save Your Relationship

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