Define The Relationship To Save Your Relationship
If you want to have a healthy relationship, you need to define the relationship. One of the biggest reasons that relationships have problems is because both people in the relationship have different expectations and assumptions about what kind of relationship they’re in.
Frankly, if you think you’re on the road to marriage and happily ever after and your boyfriend or girlfriend thinks that’s what you have is a nice light fling, you are going to have problems. Hurt emotions, broken hearts and generally misery tend to lie in the future for people who fail to define the relationship they’re in.
The problem is that everyone, and I mean everyone, tends to think of everything they do as normal. This is a problem because there is no such thing as normal. Every person is a unique bundle of needs, fears, and desires. The strengths and weaknesses that make us who we are make the need to define the relationship essential.
Whether we realize it or not, we are all using ourselves as the baseline for behavior. This means that on some very essential levels, we assume that other people want what we want, feel what we feel. Most of us are aware that this isn’t the case on a conscious level, but it’s hard to put this into action all the time.
As long as things seem to be going okay, we have a tendency to let this go on more and more. After all, when they seem happy and you seem happy, there’s no reason to examine your assumptions and expectations. Most of us only do that when things have gone wrong in a relationship.
This why the need to define the relationship early on is so great. Because other people are, well, other people. They may be happy in the relationship, but they may be happy for different reasons. If you let this go too far, you may be setting yourself up for resentment and pain.
By taking the time to define the relationship, you are taking the reins in the relationship. You will be able to see where you are and where you are heading. This will allow you to have a healthier, stronger relationship because you will both be pulling in the same direction rather than going off in two different emotional directions until the strain on the relationship is so great that it breaks.
The problem with taking action to define the relationship is that it’s not the comfortable path to take. The conversations can be awkward, and there’s always an element of fear that the two of you will have such radically different expectations and goals that the relationship may end.
These are false worries, for the most part. You need to look at the effort to define the relationship as being exercise for your relationship: it may be tough and the time and there’s a small chance that you may get injured, but the truth is that it will almost always make the relationship better and stronger.
If you need help in figuring out what you need to do to define the relationship, there is loads of help available. This is one of the best things you can do to build a strong relationship, and it is well worth the effort.
The Magic Of Making Up
When To End A Relationship
If you’re wondering when to end a relationship, then you’re faced with a hard decision. After you’ve invested time with another person, it’s never easy to say goodbye. This is true if you’ve been together 3 months, 3 years, or more. But sometimes learning when to end your relationship is the best thing you can do for both of you.
If you really love the person you’re with, you might wonder when to end a relationship and why. You might think that just because you love him or her, you should stay and work things out. And very often it is worth a try.
Many people give up on their relationships before they’ve really tried to fix them. Because it’s difficult, they throw in the towel instead of working on their problems. This is unfortunate, because many people could probably be happy together if only they weren’t afraid to try.
And other people have problem after problem and keeping working hard when most people think they should just give up. It’s as if these people are gluttons for punishment. Their partner keeps cheating on them and they keep taking him back. Or their partner keeps making other mistakes and letting them down.
It seems they don’t know when to end a relationship. But usually it’s that they’re simply afraid of being alone and moving on.
There are obvious situations that should tell you when to end a relationship. If your partner is abusive, it’s time to get out, no excuses. If you don’t feel safe, even down to feeling like you’ll have something to eat and be secure, then you should move on.
Other things are less sure. If your partner has cheated, for instance, does that always mean it’s time to leave? Some people can get past one mistake like that. They sometimes end up with a stronger relationship after the affair.
But more often they really never get past the betrayal. Even if it never happens again, the one who was cheated on can’t let go of the hurt. And the one who cheated will eventually get tired of the suspicion and guilt.
If there has been cheating in your relationship, it’s not easy to decide if it should end. You should really talk about everything involved. From trust to fear of it happening again, it should all be put on the table in an honest discussion.
How about if you feel like cheating? If you have a really strong desire to be with someone else, should you end it? These types of feelings are natural. You can even have fantasies about other people. But if you’re constantly thinking that you’d be better of with someone else, maybe you really would be.
If you love your partner and you’ve tried different ways of working it out, step back. How have you really tried? For how long? When to end a relationship isn’t always easy to see, but if you know you’ve done everything and it’s still not working, it may be time to go.
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Stages of a Relationship – Understanding them Makes a Difference
To Get Lover Back Show Some Self-Criticism and Tenderness
To get lover back there’s all kinds of approaches that you can take, some of which will work better than others. A classic though has to be to try a little tenderness. This often works really well if there has been an almighty drama that ended the relationship.
Perhaps there was an affair or some other betrayal that blew everything the hell up or commitment issues, whatever the cause feelings on both sides were probably badly hurt and now you want to get lover back.
Well start by going at this really slowly and gently, you’re trying heal deep wounds and that is going to take you time.
Usually there is blame on both sides, there’s very rarely one person to blame when a relationship goes wrong, even if you were the person cheated on or betrayed. Therefore what you should also keep in mind as you make your attempt to get lover back is that you will no doubt have to look at your part in the break up.
Was there something you could’ve done to stop things getting to the point they are? Did you ignore signals and signs? Did you handle things badly and contribute to the escalation? Whatever the answers, there are always two to blame, so own your part in the mess.
So open yourself up to self-criticism and criticism from others. Ask a friend what they think about what has happened, but don’t just ask a ‘yes’ friend who will tell you what you want to hear.
Get them to tell you what they think you should work on to get your ex back.
As you begin to work at getting your ex lover back, remember, whatever the person you love may be feeling, it is real to them. You might think they’ve over reacted or they’re not being fair, but they clearly feel some thing big enough to have walked away. So it would be a mistake for you to belittle or dismiss what they’re feeling.
Open up your heart and let them know that you are trying to understand what they’re going through. If you don’t fully understand their point of view, then tell them that and work at understanding it. Remember you can understand without agreeing with them.
Tenderness and compassion are not always easy virtues to show someone who you believe has caused you pain and upset, but if you love them and want to get lover back, then it is something you have to embrace and embrace with sincerity.
If you need any more help with this, T W Jackson of The Magic Of Making Up, does a really good chapter about how you can get your ex back and it might just be what you’re looking for.
P.S. Remember, if you’re not sure any of my recommends are for you, you can get a 1-2-1 personal review, where I will help you figure out if a book or course might work for you. Just get in touch with me and I’ll get back to you asap. Dana!
To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back Stop Being Needy
Magic of Making Up
