Can Relationship Self Help Save Your Relationship

August 30, 2009 · Filed Under Breaking Up · Comment 

You might not know it, but relationship self help is possible, and there are really a lot of things you can do to save your relationship.  If money is a problem and you can’t afford a relationship counselor or one of the fancy ebooks, then perhaps self-help is the way to go.

Many people begin to feel that the intimacy levels in their relationships begin to fade over time. They mistakenly believe this means the love is gone, but the truth is that all relationships develop into a pattern of habits and rituals that can often make people feel more like roommates than lovers.

Instead of giving up on your relationship, try using some relationship self help techniques to bring the intimacy levels back to where they were when you first met.

Start Small Talking

Research has shown that couples who engage in regular small talk will experience less arguments and fights throughout their relationship. Connective small talk doesn’t mean bombarding your partner with an hour-long diatribe about every single thing you did during the day.

Small talk is simply sharing opinions or observations from things you did through your day. It also means learning to avoid mono-syllable responses and actually showing a bit of interest in what each other is saying. Ask questions and respond to your partner with positivity.

Make Eye Contact

How many times do you really look your partner in the eye when you talk together? As relationships progress, many people tend to look in the direction of their partner’s eyes, but they don’t make eye contact.

When you first met, eye contact would have been high. Humans react to eye contact as being a positive way to build intimacy. As you become more familiar with each other, this decreases over time, which also leads people to believe the intimacy is dying.

It Doesn’t all Have to Lead to Sex

Learning to touch your partner and encouraging them to touch you too in non-sexual ways can help to increase intimacy. Give your partner a hug without expecting it to lead to anything further. Offer your partner a back massage or a foot rub and don’t have an ulterior motive. Hold hands when you’re out together. These simple forms of physical contact re-establish a level of intimacy and trust in each other that can be very effective relationship self help techniques.

Appreciation

Instead of focusing on the things that annoy you about your partner, try focusing on the things you appreciate about them instead.  There must be things about your partner that attracted you to them originally, so spend some time each day focusing on the positive things and don’t waste time concentrating on the annoying traits that everyone has anyway.

Take Some Time Out

Far too many couples fall into a pattern of trying to spend all of their time with their partner.  They begin to feel as though their partner is somehow deserting them if they want to spend a little time doing something without their significant other. While it’s normal to enjoy each other’s company, it’s also important to remember that everyone needs a little time out occasionally.

This could be something as simple as going out for a meal or a movie with friends or a coffee with the girls. Research shows that many couples improve their relationships when they display trust and encourage each other to spend a little time doing things they enjoy.

So as you can see, you can start today putting into practice some relationship self help and before you know it you’re taking some real and powerful steps to save your relationship.

.

Relationship Rescue Can Save Your Relationship

Relationship Rescue Can Save Your Relationship

August 27, 2009 · Filed Under Breaking Up · Comment 

It’s fairly common that when you’ve been in a relationship for some time that you both start taking each other for granted and pretty soon what you’re looking at is a relationship rescue.

Perhaps you’ve been arguing with your partner more than usually would or maybe even you’re both passing each other in your home with nothing much to say to each other or work schedules could have you at opposite ends of the day and you never get to see each other.

Whatever the reasons for needing a relationship rescue, take it from me, the sooner you start the better.  Because really, there is no need to exist in a relationship as described.

Looking at the attempts that people make to re-kindle their relationships these can range from, romantic meals, trips away and even trying to spice up their love lives.  However if what is basically wrong between the two of you is not addressed, then this is really only window dressing that might work for a few weeks and months, but ultimately will not really succeed long term.

Instead, why not check out this list of relationship rescue tactics -

Don’t Lose Appreciation of Your Partner

When you first meet and fall in love with your partner, you are focusing on all that you consider positive and wonderful about your partner.  Over time, you begin to take each other for granted, get comfortable with each other and be for you know it, you are focusing on the things about your partner that irritates and annoys you.

You should stop looking at what you consider the negative aspects of your partner, because this will lead to feelings of resentment, which take you off into constant arguing or silent anger, both of which will destroy your relationship.

Find common ground.  Make an effort to find things in your partner that you appreciate.

Remember How Lucky Your are to Have Your Partner

Try and appreciate how lucky you are that you and your partner found each other.  Many people long for a relationship and never find anyone they can commit to.   Think about what your life would be without your partner in it and if that leaves you cold, then remember accident or design could leave you alone.  So appreciate your spouse.

Make Sure You Communicate

No matter what you think, your partner can’t read your mind.  Fretting and sulking because your spouse hasn’t understood what they did wrong or what they said wrong will get you nowhere except Splitsville!

If you have a beef, tell your partner at the earliest and most convenient opportunity.

Sitting in silence letting a problem brew until you’re at bursting point won’t help.

Remember, relationship rescue is primarily all about finding ways to make absolute sure that your partner understands how you feel and what you think.  You have to make sure that you appreciate each other and instead of constantly looking at what’s wrong, look at what’s right.

.

How to Stay Married and Stop a Divorce

How to Stay Married and Stop a Divorce

August 25, 2009 · Filed Under Breaking Up · Comment 

When you need to figure out how to stop a divorce, things are bad.

If you’re like most people, you’ve tried everything you can think of to keep your marriage from falling apart, but so far nothing’s worked.  Chances are, what you’ve tried has probably pushed your spouse further away from you.

Here’s What You’ve Probably Done to Try and Stop a Divorce and Save Your Marriage

1)  You’ve Reassured Your Spouse -

Have you been telling your partner you’ll change?  Telling them if they stay with you, things will be better?  Will be different?  You’ve probably ended up pleading and begging with with your spouse not to leave you.
2)  You’ve Got Desperate -

You’ve thought that the way to stop a divorce was to tell your spouse how much “you love them!”  You want your spouse to understand that you love them and no one will ever love them as much as you do.  Truth is that’s only going to make them pull further away!

3)  You’ve Tried Talking and Opening Up -

Well really this isn’t a bad thing itself.  In fact it’s one of the keys to stopping a divorce, but unless you know what you should be talking about to make things right again, then you’re just spinning your wheels going round and round in circles.

For that reason, the intentions with #3 are correct, but you have to know the right questions to ask and you have to know how to structure an effective conversation with your spouse.

So What Works When You Want to Stop a Divorce -

  • You need to take a step back and you both need some distance and some alone time.  Trying to repair when the air is still hot with anger, rage and the breakup is still freshh, only means more problems.
  • Take time to think about when you first met and were happy, what’s the difference between then and now?  The key to repairing your marriage is within that detail.
  • Think long and hard about what you want!  Is this the relationship that you really want or would it be better for you to move on?  Don’t hang on in there just because it’s familiar and you’re scared of leaving the old behind.
  • Think seriously about getting some real third party help for the two of you to find a way back together.

Ask the people that have stayed married for years and decades and are happy together what their secret is and they’ll tell you that things have not been easy for them, but they have always found a way to stay focus on the things that matter to them as a couple.

.

Define the Relationship to Save Your Relationship

« Previous PageNext Page »